I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
