i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
