At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
