mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize