News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
