I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
