Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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