WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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