Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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