Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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