On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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