My first STD was from a foam party
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
