I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
