she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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