Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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