i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
