she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
