why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
