I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
