i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
