he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
