am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
