I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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