3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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