look no pants
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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