So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
