The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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