sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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