So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize