You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I am naked and annoyed.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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