you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
