I am in a vortex of obligation.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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