It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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