A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
