How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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