Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
All the doctor said was why
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
