why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
