a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
