Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
