Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Green mimosas i think yes
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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