my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
