So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize