It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
