i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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