You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
