So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
