She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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