worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
