Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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