I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
