seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
