And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
