Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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