I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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