Your face is a jimmy john
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
