Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
