who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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