actually, I'm a sock model
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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