After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
