You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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