the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
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