Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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