She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
