the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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