I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize