Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
