bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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